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15 January 2008 @ 12:16 pm
today i'm feeling a little dumb. and a lot competitive. i feel stupid compared to a peer of mine (to whom i usually feel superior - that is not much better). we have class together this evening and i just feel so fucking toxic toward her. as if i'm starting to dislike her on a personal level because i feel competitive and perhaps a little threatened by her on a professional level.

i am used to being the best. or the best of my class. or something like that. so, i get caught up in this business of scarcity and covetousness. i want to destroy her in classroom debate.

it's no way to be.