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boiswillbebois
LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:boiswillbebois
Your haiku:out but few people
on my body and at risk
of being ashamed
Username:
Created by Grahame
 
 
boiswillbebois
14 August 2005 @ 07:03 pm
well, fabulous sunday schoolers- i'm missing you and all the learning right now. i'm thinking too much. i'm sitting on the desk in the office at work, trying to journal a little bit. here's some stuff in confidence, sorta, and trusting that lj is a semi-public/private place to put stuff out that won't travel too directly.

rebecca's coming back to the u.s. tonight. i'm kinda terrified about a few things:
1. she won't like me anymore.
2. she will like me anymore.
3. i won't like her anymore.
4. everything will be fabulous.
5. i'll forget boundaries and the fact that being with someone doesn't necessarily mean missing out on other things...

what i'm really afraid of is that she'll do me shitty like i've done others shitty after long trips - either not calling upon return or being really distant and a different person upon return. no matter what, i'm going to be okay. i guess the pain i'm feeling now is from the fear of vulnerability and my struggling against my own heart's reluctant will to close itself off. i don't want to take any chances. i'm terrified.

this is the first time i've posted stuff that i actually considered making private for a second. making this post public is forcing me to look at my yuckiness and hear feedback and hold myself accountable to tell bec what i need to tell her.

my stomach is antsy from nerves and caffeine. bleh.

/hamburger sliced.
 
 
Current Mood: fear-fulled.
Current Music: piece of my heart.how apropos