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28 November 2008 @ 08:05 pm
fear is love
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28 November 2008 @ 08:03 pm
red left is love
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21 November 2008 @ 04:42 pm
prince's jam is tonight's theme song.

uh, no. just kidding. that's gross.

it's the weekend! yeah! caffeinated, ready for what's next. feeling too ill to go to my professional organization's meeting, and so it's me and the internet and some grading and fucking off before skating tonight. excellent.

the weekend?

grading papers for af.am. women in history class, then grading the last batch of weekly reading responses for the black death, then coordinating a grad student job search breakfast, then working on my comparative dandy as a vision of modernity versus backward mexico city paper.

and wtf! why didn't i know that the national rollerskating museum was located in lincoln, nebraska? my granddad is a bad-ass skater and maybe that's how he got started - cos skating was really big in nebraska when he was a teenager!

finally! a hobby my grandparents will approve!
15 November 2008 @ 09:16 pm
So, after a long long time of simply working and barely looking up, much less around, I've emerged from my nearly monastic existence in order to take up a new hobby: Roller Derby.


But not as some skirt-wearing lady skater (duh), but rather as a very handsome referee. I wasn't really that into derby since I caught just one bout at the end of last season and didn't know the rules beforehand, but then on a whim went skating with folks last Friday night.

It was so amazing and even better than I remembered from being a pre-teen in rural Nebraska. All I need now is to hear Joan Jett's, "I Love Rock 'n' Roll" during a couple skate and my youthful queer dreams will be complete. After Friday, I thought about it kinda of nonstop all week, then I went on Thursday for two hours, then Friday for three hours, then to a two-hour skills camp this morning. Never one to do things with moderation, obviously. After the sixth or seventh time I was asked to do derby and then told, "You will be a ref." I nodded and said, "Ok."

So, I've been skating four times in the last eight days to get my skills back and get some new ones. I haven't had so much fun in a real long time. I have a good deal of the Women's Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA) requirements done, then have some paperwork and all of those things (like a bad rugby-days flashback) where they absolve themselves of liability for your injury while playing. The requirements for a ref are a little different...

Sadistic fucking sport, I should say. Body checking, falling, all of this getting on your knees, pain, sweat, terms like "whip," and sweet body sweat stink. I haven't had this many beautiful bruises on my ass since... a long time.

Along with a whole new sport comes newly emerging muscles (my legs are becoming freakishly defined in really strange places), new expenses (skates, helmet, pads) and a new vocabulary. And new friends!

Friday nights are the best cos a bunch of derby grrls are there, but so too a bunch of Bloomington punks go and so all of these pals end up skating all together and it's kind of amazing...last night's weird Indiana-teen-induced homophobia notwithstanding... Next week, we must all wear shirts stating boldly:


or something like that.
03 November 2008 @ 06:33 pm
"An Opinion on the Question of Pornography"

There's nothing more debauched than thinking.
This sort of wantonness runs wild like a wind-born weed
on a plot laid out for daisies.

Nothing's sacred for those who think.
Calling things brazenly by name,
risque analyses, salacious syntheses,
frenzied, rakish chases after the bare facts,
the filthy fingering of touchy subjects,
discussion in heat--it's music to their ears.

In broad daylight or under cover of night
they form circles, triangles, or pairs.
The partners' age or sex are unimportant.
Their eyes glitter, their cheeks are flushed.
Friend leads friend astray.
Degenerate daughters corrupt their fathers.
A brother pimps for his little sister.

They prefer the fruits
from the forbidden tree of knowledge
to the pink buttocks found in glossy magazines--
all that ultimately simple-hearted smut.
The books they relish have no pictures.
What variety they have lies in certain phrases
marked with a thumbnail or crayon.

It's shocking, the positions,
the unchecked simplicity with which
one mind contrives to fertilize another!
Such positions the Karma Sutra itself doesn't know.

During these trysts of theirs, the only thing that's steamy is the tea.
People sit on their chairs and move their lips.
03 November 2008 @ 06:28 pm
i cannot BELIEVE that the state of virginia never sent me my ballot. i made the deadlines and everything. but then i look in the mail today and no ballot.



not that i ever think that voting will change the world, but really... i would have liked to try, you know?
28 October 2008 @ 12:27 am
halloween pumpkin carving fun at corey's house (previously known as castle greyskull) with kristen, jessie, corrina, corey, crystal, and other random folks who happened to be about. good times. cute punkins. i made a star punkin with shadows and cut-outs after some cajoling, cos i was mostly interested in seed cleaning, flavoring and baking (like always).

other cute punkins include kristen's tree and treeswing, corey's cyclops bear, jessie's cute whale and corrina's tobey punkin. we set them all out on the steps with candles and they were real cute.

then, i went to a show with some cute queer bands. and mysterious japanese bands that got lost and then showed up after i left, like at 1 a.m. sheesh! but anyway, the cutest thing was at the end of the what the kids want set when hannah got her bass and she and the rest of the sissies played old tunes. i mean, not living in bloomington then, i didn't have the same sort of misty-eyed business that other dancing fools did (especially sparky and erin tobey and others) but it was still really great. i liked to look over at a little bopping j-town shock! to my left and an especially bouncy sparky to my right. somehow i ended up in the frontest of the front when someone left and that always makes me really shy, so i just danced and enjoyed it.

good show and then i rode with j-shock to get my bike, then bike home in the freezing fall wind gusts! a well-deserved cap to a work-my-ass-off weekend. yes.

today was nothing compared to yesterday, so, there it is.
Top 10 Things to Do Instead of Writing Your Grant Proposal
[a.k.a. the things i do to procrastinate, by d. vrana]

1. Google image search hot people whom you may someday meet and create unnecessary awkwardness and recognition when you finally meet them. Look at a number of photos, to determine what they must look like on a bad day.

Or, conversely, plan your own first Faculty Photograph. Cultivate a sense of indignation and interruption about it all.

2. Google image search yourself and find out that you are credited for authoring a book that you didn't know you'd get credit for co-authoring! See Quimby's Online Retail store and Zine Yearbook #9!

3. Perfect your Last.fm radio station, after all, it gets better the more you listen! Marvel at how Saves the Day somehow ended up on your Weakerthans radio station. Really. Suffer freshman year of undergrad flashbacks.

4. Crave coffee at midnight and weigh the pros and cons. Settle for water because it is like proto-coffee.

5. Think of all the fun everyone else is having rollerskating at Skate Land.

6. Plan your readings course, course schedule, lectures and syllabus for next semester.

7. Play the online bookseller historiography game!

8. Idle contemplation: how to better reach your students, a new hairstyle, things to fix on your bicycle, and the potential connection between the three.

9. Drink a lot of water and urinate excessively.

10. Procrastinate on writing in your blog by opening as many tabs as your browser will allow and fill them with useless shit.
22 October 2008 @ 11:21 pm

To the next person who dislikes me,
let me say it’s true a person needs enemies,
and I’m sure you could be a great one,
one who thinks of insults while ironing silk,
one who is never wrinkled.
I’m sure I could stick it to you,
since I’m funny and you’re not,
since I can scowl better than a barbecue grill.
Listen, Katherine tells me about her enemies.
She says they’re like sweat in a Carolina summer,
spilling down your skin when you pick up a Coke.
She says sometimes they’re more fun than eating chips.
She grins and says, Soon one will come around
for you, like my teeth rounding this apple.
The best apple I ever had was like having perfect teeth, it was like
comparing an apple to something instead of fucking eating it.
I’m guilty—I compare things to you too.
You could be a person or you could be an apple.
You could scorn me quicker than cavities.
I don’t want to place insults next to you,
I want to think of a celery stalk and say you are like it,
but not in an insulting way,
and just think about it for awhile—
You are a sliver,
you are a chessboard,
you are a trampoline, you are—
I don’t know, but I say this all to stall awhile,
I say this all with my barbecue scowl that’s now a grin.
You are outside my house about to ring.
I am standing in my bathroom brushing my teeth.
Before you touch my doorbell and before we meet,
I should feel something for you
because I still can,
and I think I can’t go anywhere and neither can you.
02 October 2008 @ 11:16 pm
um, and then something like today happens...

when i totally rock u.s. foreign policy class by defining and summarizing about ten different branches of what you could call critical theory (including postcolonialism, subaltern studies, critical legal studies, post-Althusserian Marxism, cultural materialism, Foucaultian genealogy and more), all by myself. yes!

getting good "homework" grades back doesn't hurt, either. feels nice to be taught, to feel like i'm really learning!

fulbright interview tomorrow. fingers crossed. all i really want to do is to live in guate for 10 months doing research. that's what matters to me about all of this, when i get past ego and fear.
02 October 2008 @ 12:39 am
...so, i'm totally having one of those graduate school imposter moments.
...like i'm so not smart enough and it's only a matter of time until someone or everyone finds out.
13 September 2008 @ 07:14 pm
finally after months of relying upon wifi spaces away from home, i have internet in my house. that means i can work from home, write from home, grade from home, look at internet porn from home. in my briefs!

having a good time in bloomington these days, getting to spend time with new friends and working really hard and all of that. tonight, there is a dance party at t.wisdom's house and i think i might just go. or else call sparky and rent some documentaries and kick it with cats. hard to say, really. can't believe i haven't been back to microcosm since guate. i feel like i can still smell the xerox!

all day i've been deeply mired in a process of editing a statement of purpose for a big deal grant deadline on monday. after this one, only two more big ones to go and those two applications are nearly the same, and not due until mid-october or early november. can't wait for shit to calm down. by the time thanksgiving rolls around, i will have very many things for which to be grateful.

general update -- shipped the little lady off to ann arbor a little less than a month ago, and have been flying solo here in town since. well, less flying solo and more flying with the control tower. sure, i guess LRL and i have a control tower thing going. i mean, not in a gross "controlling" way, but in a guiding signal, hey how's it going on land, kind of a way.

will be back in d.c. from 10 october to 12 october with very limited availability. first come, first serve.
26 August 2008 @ 06:36 pm
parking violation

cop impound release fee = $60
towing company release fee = $170
additional parking ticket #1 = $25
additional parking ticket #2 = $25

total = $280

plus a thousand phone calls with surly cops, receptionists and tow folks.

fuck. ann. arbor.

[EDIT: oh, and i didn't even do anything interesting. just overstayed my welcome in a loading zone.]

[EDIT: what would $280 purchase? about three new cocks, nearly a month of dinners at esan thai, plenty of textbooks, a plane ticket to d.c., many months of dolly's cat food, 6 new pairs of sneakers, about two months of groceries]
19 August 2008 @ 07:03 pm
tomorrow is my drive back to the midwest. holy holy shit. i would say that i'm looking forward to it, but the thing is that i barely remember what it is all about. feels so very far away and i couldn't be bothered to search for words to make it sound glamorous or even clever.

everything is all packed up and ready to go, well mostly packed up and ready to go. every little bit of new stuff is accounted for, the tunes are queued, now i'm just waiting for the sun to set then rise again.

good thing i have good company tonight with the queen of glamour herself.
Current Location: the burbs
Current Music: loquat and laura veirs
as a general thing, i off-hand and immediately reject queer/indie/punk/whatever music trends, particularly fan club bands, and the more astronomical their success the less i like to listen.

it's some remnant of juvenile "cooler if its more obscure" thing, but what happens is that sometimes these bands are really great and then i'm, like, the last person on the whole wide planet to find out.

most recent exhibit a. tegan and sara
after much groaning and eye-rolling whenever some queermo's myspace/cd player/playlist would blast these canadians, i fell in love with tegan and sara yesterday. shit.

03 August 2008 @ 08:14 pm
so, tomorrow afternoon, i'm leaving antigua for ten days in the city. i will hopefully have a bunch of meetings, get two letters at least of support, kick some sass and have some fun.

+breakfast at rainbow or gringo
+buy hot sauce and coffee to take home
+print correctly sized copies of proposal draft
+archive at 9am to 1pm
+dress nicely and try to get a meeting with lucretia
+eat lunch at 1pm
+shuttle leaves from hotel burkhardt at 3pm
+to 7a av. a 6-50 zona 2
+settle in and watch t.v.
+get groceries maybe and cook dinner
+call alvaro and carolina to do something

tuesday and wednesday
+go to biblioteca cesar branas
+also probably go to archivo at USAC to seek a letter of support

+archivo general de centro america

+biblioteca and hemeroteca nacional
+eat at rey sol vegetarian restaurant

saturday and sunday
+USAC biblioteca saturday afternoon hours
+maybe visit with susan in guate
+if not susan in guate, then flee to antigua for the last weekend

monday, tuesday, and wednesday
+USAC archivo with fervor
+hopefully get the

+leave this beautiful country
With or without any patron saint, today was a brilliant day to take off! I´ve been writing like a fiend on my proposals for diss funding, pretty much significantly ahead of schedule, whenever not in the library or archive reading. So to rest for the day from real writing and instead fill my head with articles, books, thoughts, coffee, and the most beautiful day in antigua yet, was perfect.

Sure, I didn´t take any photos. It was too fun just to be in it, you know.

Three weeks left, less than. Time to make quick friends in Guate, flesh-pressing, letter-getting, alliance-building, all that. Then, buy some tourist stuff for pals, then hop a plane to DC.
24 July 2008 @ 09:27 am
yesterday and today, whenever i go to my corner coffeeshop, the precious barista queues the ani difranco. yesterday was surreal, now today just makes me quietly smile. she seems to follow me while i travel, meeting first with robyn in europe and then here... her music marks a sort of adolescent home for me and its nice to hear her here.

as i write emails to people, each song choice seems appropriate - to a friend in brooklyn, rockabye about the streets of south brooklyn; then as i write to ashley, you had time.

finding a diasporic home within me is the best i can do now, in the middle of the trip, or maybe ever. it is just more obvious here.
22 July 2008 @ 08:16 pm
Just some disjointed thoughts for today, cos it´s my journal and I can write what I choose. And please excuse my somewhat basic and juvenile meanderings, a neophyte art enthusiast here.

First, I´m feeling better. Nearly perfect and even drank two cups of coffee today, although the second was against my best judgment. So much for kicking the habit.

Next, what is Antonin Artaud even talking about? Seriously. I´m just catching up on some Internet reading, some cultural literacy, and what the heck! Maybe I´m just daft, but really... I will have to work on ¨feeling¨ this one.

But, I do love and begin to ¨get¨ Modigliani, especially love his portrait of Diego Rivera. And I bet that Kees Van Dongen was a total stud. Total stud. Who else? Each of these names influenced the world art-lit scene, and in so doing, my little elite University students (in the strange 1890 to 1931 period).

Finally, the favorite Guatemalan artist of the day - Carlos Merida. Freaking awesome. A sort of mating of cubist Picasso and Kandinsky. Yeah yeah!

Another note, been reading bell hooks´ Outlaw Culture, particularly interested in her reading of Basquiat´s exhibition at the Whitney. How do these paintings make us feel... what does fatherhood, masculinity, boyishness have to do with him and how we feel about him?
21 July 2008 @ 03:54 pm
The fates have decided, at long last, that Guatemala has won round one of the epic battle, ¨Guatemala versus Dillon.¨ At first, Dillon was in the lead, chomping with impunity on vegan street food, at road-side taquería stands, on deep fried empanadas, chocobananos and chocopiña, and anything else which struck one´s fancy. Thinking, all the while, I´m vegan, so I´m safe, no meat-borne grossness will befall me. Then, late night Saturday, all of that free eating caught up.

The Great Guatemalan Stomach Virus of 2008! Nooooooo! Envision a Hitchcock-ian scene, only it´s me, Dillon, sitting unknowingly on the park bench, munching on a little snack, while one-by-one, a giant cloud of stomach viruses collect on the buildings behind me.

The good news is that I ate solid food today! Crackers, tortillas, about a tablespoon of beans, and some rice. Oh, and a banana. Probably shouldn´t have eaten so much, so fast, but I was so tired of feeling tired and woozy and weak from malnutrition and dehydration.